The Almost Job that Wasn’t
A few days ago I thought I had a UX job. Finally, after a year of searching during a pandemic, there was a positive result of the career pivot I’d invested my life savings into…
There are plenty of “mysterious forces beyond our control” and our brains have a tough time processing things that feel unfair.
My personal definition of success is absolutely controlled by emotion. For instance, my self-image immediately changed for the better upon accepting the offer, and my confidence multiplied just in those few weeks.
I felt prettier! Every day was the best hair day, I had a pep in my step and many reasons to smile. I began dressing trendier again even while stuck at home, I felt the need to express my fashion sense instead of wearing PJ pants.
I felt like all my dreams would come true. I could visualize buying a home in 3 years, being a dog mom, and finally hanging my great grandmother’s beautiful Asian art prints I’d inherited.
I felt smarter. Someone accepted me as a professional, fought for me, and WANTED me on their team in a really important role. It felt so good to be taken seriously instead of, “you don’t have enough professional experience, and 10 years of Graphic Design doesn’t count”.
I felt more organized. After accomplishing something so huge I felt like I had the power to do anything. I began keeping better organized in my room, the apartment, and on my computer.
I’m realizing that my employment status doesn’t directly touch on any of these things, yet they noticeably changed. It’s my mind playing the association games and pulling those connection strings.
How might I change the often negative association patterns of my perception?
How I feel about myself and how successful I feel changes depending on my mood. That sucks! In order to disrupt this internal self-damaging pattern, I’ve got to solidly remember a few facts about myself. These hold true regardless of any feeling or outside circumstance.
1. I’m beautiful and aging well! Dressing cute will lift my mood, so just save the PJ pants for the weekend.
2. My dreams aren’t going to change, and I’m not going to stop reaching for them, EVER.
3. I am smart. I’ve graduated from intense educational programs, made great decisions to move forward, and have true grit in continuing to learn, practice, and network.
4. I’ve never been organized, but that is a skill I’m working on. Minimal changes can affect my life overall over time so baby steps.
This concludes the most personal content I’ve ever written and shared. I hope not to feel so afraid to express myself openly in the future. Thanks for reading ❤
